Warning: High levels of NaCl follows.

Let me tell you the story of the time I was THE MOST salty from a fighting game match.

In the year of 1998, when I was 9 years old, I was out in California with my father.  My dad was there for a business trip and decided to take me along for the experience.  We went to visit my uncle's family while there.

When we get there, I'm pretty much left to be entertained by my older cousin, Bryan.  He's probably around 17 at this time.  Whatever was going through his head the time, he asked me "Do you want to play Street Fighter?"

FUCK YEAH I did.  I was 9 years old, I had played the game a lot.  Obviously, I was the fucking best thing since the goddamn Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie

Me > This.  Hold dat.

He did not KNOW that playing me was calling 1-800-COLLECT AN ASSWHOOPIN.

So we started playing, and I was bodying him for free.  He couldn't get around my well placed fireballs, and my... well placed fireballs.  It wasn't creative, but it was the best damn tactic since eating all the grain pieces of Lucky Charms so you could have a bowl of just marshmallows.

Not scumbag; just smart.

So after 5 or so matches, he turns around to me, smiles, and says, "Wow, you're really good!  Do you want to do a match for $10, if you win?"  

"$10!??!  This guy is RICH!"  My 9 year old mind thought.  He's so easy to beat too!  Of COURSE I'll take him up on his match!  

We play another match, and just as the matches previous to this, I won easily.  I mean, of course I won!  I'm the best! 

Then he turns around to me again, "Aww man!  Do you want to play again?  Double or nothing?"

Uh, duh! I was so excited, I nearly shouted "yes!" before he even finished his sentence!  I was SO excited to have $20.  I could buy some very useful, and important to my life, Gak with $20!!

The game begins again.  I begin chucking plasma like a rap artist does with cash money and liquor.  Nothing was hitting him though!  He was...blocking and jumping?  WHAAAT?!  He jumped in, did a three hit combo, knocking Ryu on his ass and waking up seeing stars.  Then he hit me a few more times, quickly ending the first round.  

"Lucky!" I thought.  But the second round ended the near same as the first.

Pretty much like this.

I was furious!  I was upset!  I got cheated!  Swindled!!  My anger rose as I handed him his $10 back.  He took away my Gak, my McDonalds, and everything else important to life!  I used to be a big boy!  I needed that McDonalds!!

All this sexy doesn't feed itself!  I need NOURISHMENT!  And Happy Meal Toys.

He... 

...I... 

I WAS SO MAD I COULD...

...cry

I ran out of the room bawling like a real man.  (He probably got chewed out for that one...)

The reason this is the saltiest match I've ever done is because I'M STILL MAD AT THIS SHIT.  Who the FUCK does that?!  Scumbag Bryan!  Lets kid win on Street Fighter; only to shark them and crush their spirits.

If I ever find his ass, I'm going to body him 120%.  If he wasn't such a scumbag son, his family would know where he is, and I would find him JUST MM him!

BRYAN!   I WILL FIND YOU AND GET MY REVENGE!!!

(To be fair, he was playing on an SNES controller, so he's probably actually decent.)